well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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