my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
