So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
