You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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