it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
