hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
