Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
