This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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