I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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