yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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