he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Boobs are out for the taking
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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