and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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