We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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