I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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