So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
