I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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