What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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