so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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