Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize