I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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