I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
