Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
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the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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