you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
