I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
