Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's the barista slut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
