I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
