So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
