I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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