Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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