Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
