I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
