i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
