please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
