Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
