I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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