So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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