I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
