Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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