Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
