I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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