were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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