i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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