Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
