your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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