im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
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I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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