He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
