Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize