Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
