Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
