i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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