Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Randomize
