WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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