idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro