Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.