she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
