Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick

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(818): i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick http://tfl.nu/avb9

Replies (4) Good night (558) Bad night (1313)
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(314): View more from Missouri

we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is

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(314): we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke. (1-314): i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is http://tfl.nu/c6uw

Replies (26) Good night (2484) Bad night (540)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.

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(614): Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends. http://tfl.nu/odrr

Replies (19) Good night (740) Bad night (5559)
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(406): View more from Montana

This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends

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(406): This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends http://tfl.nu/27cl

Replies (32) Good night (4320) Bad night (841)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

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(205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc

Replies (18) Good night (1159) Bad night (3992)
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(831): View more from California

she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

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(831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1

Replies (80) Good night (14376) Bad night (2452)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.

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(720): I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time. http://tfl.nu/bucm

Replies (5) Good night (3436) Bad night (1222)
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(949): View more from California

My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.

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(949): My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship. http://tfl.nu/pxfl

Replies (11) Good night (3239) Bad night (1182)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.

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(905): I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out. http://tfl.nu/0m9y

Replies (7) Good night (2416) Bad night (702)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.

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(504): Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later. http://tfl.nu/kqj9

Replies (9) Good night (1600) Bad night (1341)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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(+44): Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room. http://tfl.nu/d3jd

Replies (5) Good night (1391) Bad night (566)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...

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(919): I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going... http://tfl.nu/t999

Replies (7) Good night (312) Bad night (1066)
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(914): View more from New York

Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.

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(914): Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block. http://tfl.nu/om9a

Replies (0) Good night (526) Bad night (310)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.

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(541): Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways. http://tfl.nu/r7l2

Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (397)
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(850): View more from Florida

I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.

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(850): I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons. http://tfl.nu/n48b

Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (268)

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