I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
