I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.