Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.

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(541): View more from Oregon

he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.

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These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Read it at the TFLN blog
(254): View more from Texas

I have a surprise for you

(1-254): View more from Texas

Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.

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(509): View more from Washington

I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.

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(817): View more from Texas

Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.

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