i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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