I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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