Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize