They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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