he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
