so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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