i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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