i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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