Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
