this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
