I wish my penis had an off switch
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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