i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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