yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
false alarm. still invincible.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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