Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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